Photo from Pink Sherbet Photography

Have you ever felt like you loved somebody so much that it made your heart ache – in a good way?  But words just couldn’t begin to convey that love, so you wondered if that person could possibly grasp the depth?

Have you ever been with somebody, and even though they said they loved you, you felt nothing? Have you ever felt so loved that it was like an energy force, pulsing through you in a way that made you feel like you accomplish anything?   Like a super hero power?

I have. I’ve been on all ends of that spectrum. It’s baffling and beautiful, painful and powerful.

According to Gary Chapman “While love is a many splendor thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways.”

Dr. Chapman wrote an absolutely brilliant book called The Five Love Languages.  The premise is that we each have a primary love language, or a way that we prefer to show and receive love – Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  When we aren’t speaking the same language there is a disconnect, hurt feelings, emptiness or worse.

I think it is easier to think about this as it relates to children; they are generally so much less complicated. Many children grow up not feeling loved at all.  It is sad but true. As a parent, I’m guessing that the majority of the parents loved those children immensely, and sacrificed for them in countless ways

So it seems impossible that they wouldn’t feel loved, right?  I thought so too, but think of a little boy who longs to hear his dad say “Great job son, I’m proud of you!” (words of affirmation) and yet his father shows his love only by bringing him toys (gifts) or providing for the family (acts of service). Happens all the time.

But here’s the cool thing, it’s fixable and it’s easy!  Once you figure out somebody’s love language it is like the secret key to finally being able to let people know how much you appreciate them – kids, spouses, partners, co-workers, all of ‘em.  It is awesome.

You can’t even imagine how much time I spent telling my husband how much I appreciated him, or the money I spent buying him things, before I found out those things didn’t matter to him much at all! He never complained, but later I found out he’d prefer a big hug and some quality time.  Me, on the other hand, help me do something (acts of service) or tell me “nice work” and I’m floating for days!

We’ve all seen two people who say they love each other not be happy together. No wonder, they don’t feel loved.

As I write this I am listening to James Taylor’s song “Shower the People You Love.” Remember this one:

Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel

Things are gonna be much better if you only will.

I LOVE this song. It touches my soul and makes me happy.  Ironically I just remembered seeing James Taylor when I was on a double date in college and my date fell asleep during the concert. Hmmm…I guess we weren’t speaking the same love language!

To figure out your love language read Gary’s book (or try this quiz) and then go shower some people with love!

Take the quiz here.