Photo from Pink Sherbet Photography

Have you ever felt like you loved somebody so much that it made your heart ache – in a good way?  But words just couldn’t begin to convey that love, so you wondered if that person could possibly grasp the depth?

Have you ever been with somebody, and even though they said they loved you, you felt nothing? Have you ever felt so loved that it was like an energy force, pulsing through you in a way that made you feel like you accomplish anything?   Like a super hero power?

I have. I’ve been on all ends of that spectrum. It’s baffling and beautiful, painful and powerful.

According to Gary Chapman “While love is a many splendor thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways.”

Dr. Chapman wrote an absolutely brilliant book called The Five Love Languages.  The premise is that we each have a primary love language, or a way that we prefer to show and receive love – Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  When we aren’t speaking the same language there is a disconnect, hurt feelings, emptiness or worse.

I think it is easier to think about this as it relates to children; they are generally so much less complicated. Many children grow up not feeling loved at all.  It is sad but true. As a parent, I’m guessing that the majority of the parents loved those children immensely, and sacrificed for them in countless ways

So it seems impossible that they wouldn’t feel loved, right?  I thought so too, but think of a little boy who longs to hear his dad say “Great job son, I’m proud of you!” (words of affirmation) and yet his father shows his love only by bringing him toys (gifts) or providing for the family (acts of service). Happens all the time.

But here’s the cool thing, it’s fixable and it’s easy!  Once you figure out somebody’s love language it is like the secret key to finally being able to let people know how much you appreciate them – kids, spouses, partners, co-workers, all of ‘em.  It is awesome.

You can’t even imagine how much time I spent telling my husband how much I appreciated him, or the money I spent buying him things, before I found out those things didn’t matter to him much at all! He never complained, but later I found out he’d prefer a big hug and some quality time.  Me, on the other hand, help me do something (acts of service) or tell me “nice work” and I’m floating for days!

We’ve all seen two people who say they love each other not be happy together. No wonder, they don’t feel loved.

As I write this I am listening to James Taylor’s song “Shower the People You Love.” Remember this one:

Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel

Things are gonna be much better if you only will.

I LOVE this song. It touches my soul and makes me happy.  Ironically I just remembered seeing James Taylor when I was on a double date in college and my date fell asleep during the concert. Hmmm…I guess we weren’t speaking the same love language!

To figure out your love language read Gary’s book (or try this quiz) and then go shower some people with love!

Take the quiz here.

I just finished reading David Lynch’s “Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity.”

I spotted the book in Powell’s Bookstore while looking for a different title by Ramesh Balsekar which I never did find. I chose to buy the Lynch book instead. I’m a big fan, and the price was marked down to less than half of its original amount.

“Fish” as I’ll refer to it for the rest of this article, is a smallish hardbound volume with lots of white space and occasional references to the Upanishads, Hindu scripture teaching a philosophy called Vedanta.

In the book, Lynch talks variously about his movie making career, his personal meditation practice, and his thoughts on the creative process in general. The only potential downside to the book is that instead of recommending meditation, Lynch recommends a specific brand of meditation and words it in a way that suggests this particular brand is the one that will achieve the best results. Personally, I think any sincere meditation practice can lead to the benefits Lynch discusses.

There are many jewels in “Fish.” For the fan of Lynch films, there are tidbits explaining how certain movies were born as ideas, and how certain problems were solved or certain signature Lynch scenes were created. But don’t expect technical details or how-to information. Just very interesting sketches of how some things were approached or the way an idea came about and was nurtured into finished artwork.

Another gem is a section where Lynch talks about an artist’s obligation to care for him or herself, stay rested and positive, and free from fear. Those acquainted with the dark worlds of imagination that Lynch movies often depict might be surprised to learn that Lynch advises artists to stay away from suffering. “Let your characters do the suffering.” Further, he says: “If you’re an artist, you’ve got to *know* about anger without being restricted by it. In order to create, you’ve got to have energy; you’ve got to have clarity. You’ve got to be able to catch ideas. You’ve got to be strong enough to fight unbelievable pressure and stress in this world. So it just makes sense to nurture the place where that strength and clarity and energy come from–to dive in and enliven that.”

Lynch also speaks about equipment and technique in a general way as he explains why he is drawn to digital movie cameras, and not the megabuck systems that are coming out now, but cheaper medium-fidelity cameras. This too, is a good reminder for the artist that you’ve got to have the right tools to support your creativity, but they aren’t always the most expensive or rare tools.

Thank-you David Lynch. Thank-you for your artful films and your openhearted sharing of how you stay connected with creativity.

The theme here today is toilet paper. Well, sort of. The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur - a book written by Michael Michalowicz is a source for first time entrepreneurs that uses toilet paper in its title as a metaphor for cleaning up in business.

I was curious when I met Mike on Facebook. Here’s a guy who (among other things) makes smart and funny short video blogs with tips for entrepreneurs, made readily available on his Facebook page.

My favorite, Funny - Look in the Mirror, provoked laughter among my friend and I who understood the strange, sometimes silly, but very common anxieties that all of us (entrepreneurs) face through the various stages of growing our businesses. And that feels very human.

Mike has also been named Young Entrepreneur of the Year multiple times and his newest venture Obsidian Launch partners with first time entrepreneurs to help them manifest their dream business.

He’s a recurring guest on CNBC’s The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, has been featured on National Public Radio (NPR), and in the New York Times, Smart CEO Magazine, and other publications.

Mike and I did a trade. I was interviewed for his blog (along with a photo of me rolled up in toilet paper - more on that later) and I got to pick Mike’s brain a bit on his experiences as an entrepreneur.

Here’s what I got:

Cheryl: I read your bio on your website the Toilet Paper Entrepreneur. You mention your great success with your different business ventures. Can you talk more about your evolution, who you are now, what inspired you early on and how you consider yourself a creative?

Mike: I know we have all heard this a million times, but life is a journey. I don’t really think I have had great success, as most people measure it (usually money and fame).  I have had an amazing variety of experiences to this point, and to me that is my great success.  Everyone’s journey is simply different, and it is the variety experience that we go through (both good and bad) that is really a measure of success.  Through the variety of success, if we can be happy… that brings about more happiness.  If we can be happy throughout life, that is the greatest success for all of us.   Okay, enough with my philosophy lesson… I only wanted to say that because most of us want to be wealthy to become happy. And it is key to note, that we need to be happy to become wealthy.

Every company I started, I loved starting because that was my passion; starting companies.  They were successful early on, because I was happy.  But when they grew into the millions of revenue, they started to become something different, and my roles changed into something that didn’t make me as happy. Those were the “sell the company” points for me.  My newest venture of Obsidian (a company I own that partners with start-ups) and writing my book (Toilet Paper Entrepreneur - which teaches entrepreneurs about start-ups), is completely my passion, my happiness. These businesses are growing the fastest for me, since they make me so happy.  And I suspect I will do them for a long time, because they make me happy.

In regards to “a creative”, I don’t know if I am anything but myself to the fullest.  If we simply be ourselves to our fullest, we are naturally the most successful.  It is that simple, it is that hard.

Cheryl: Can you talk about your newest venture, Obsidian Launch and what you mean by your “get rich” approach?

Mike: I call it the “get rich, right” approach.  I get upset when I hear of someone trying to get rich quick, by trying to do the latest trend or fad.  It rarely works and is rarely satisfying. I believe in an approach that I have coined “get rich, right”… and it simply boils down to what I mentioned before. Do what makes you happy and that will make you a lot of money. I think we all should pursue wealth, since it allows us to be more of who we are.  But it is only freeing when we are doing what makes us happy, so the right way to get rich is doing what you love.

Cheryl: Can you briefly describe the topic of your book, ‘The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur’ ?

Mike: The TPE is all about breaking down the misconceptions of business.  You don’t need tons of money, or experience or relationships to launch an amazing company.  Success is contingent upon your ability to use ingenuity over money, persistence over relationships, and raw passion over experience. That is the way of The TPE and it results in tremendous success (more than just financial, but wealth surely is part of it).

Cheryl: Do you think there is a difference between female and male entrepreneurs? If so, what  is it?

Mike: Yes.  Quick disclaimer…and guys please don’t lynch me on this…but women are better suited to be entrepreneurs at the early stages.  The reason is that women are more intuitive then men.  The early stages of launching a business, relies greatly on intuition.  As a business grows, it becomes more contingent upon regimen and systems…that is naturally more of a male’s intrinsic abilities.  That being said, anyone who has the desire and passion will make it work…female, male or other.

Cheryl: How do you define success in your personal and professional lives?

Mike: The measurement always changes. Sometimes I measure success in my personal life by the number of times I hugged my kids and my wife.  Other times by the freedom I have in driving one of my cars. And other times by the fact that it is freezing outside and I am inside watching football or reading a book.  Same thing professionally; sometimes by my paycheck, other times by excitement of my colleagues and other times by the thank-yous I receive from customers.  I guess the only real measure is my internal emotions; do I feel positive and happy or negative and sad? Success is obviously feeling good.

Cheryl: Many of us want to start a business but are riddled with fear. Seth Godin (and many  others) site this as a major block to finding success. In your opinion, what  is the most challenging barrier for entrepreneurs to break through?

Mike: Breaking off with the past.  The split second before you stop the past (e.g. quit the job or stop other sources of income / security), is the scariest moment. Then a split second later it feels like the most relieving moment, since you have jumped off the cliff.  The key to success is just doing it, kinda like ripping off a band-aide.  The thing is that most of us approach that final moment, and are too afraid, so we back down and put it off “until we are better prepared.”  Then the next time we approach “the moment” we have already proven to ourselves that it is safer not to do it, and so we don’t. This becomes a reoccurring pattern of not doing.  Ultimately, we end up living with regret.  The key is to acknowledge that it is really, really fucking scary.  Then say it is now or never and jump. Worst case you crash, and go get a job again.
There is a  growing demographic of people who are conscious consumers. In other words, we  care about products and services that support quality of life, global issues  and the environment.

Cheryl: In your experience, have you seen a shift in new entrepreneurs/start-ups towards this type of thinking?

Mike: Absolutely!  But there is one caveat.  In general the mass consumer (I include myself here), wants to do the right thing without compromising themselves.  So anyone that introduces conscious products, and it is a “no-brainer” gets all the consumers.  Just think how many batteries have been saved with the solar calculator, because it is a “no brainer”, yet rechargeable batteries aren’t a mass consumable because it is a “pain in the ass” to recharge those things.  The thinking is there for sure, we as entrepreneurs just need to make conscious consumables “stupid easy” to buy and use.

Cheryl: Is it  possible to start a business with no money?

Mike: Oh. My God, YES!!! Actually your long term success actually increases with the less money you have.  I can go on for pages and pages about this, but I already did in my book (you can read it there).

Cheryl: How do you self-care and balance your professional and personal life?

Mike: As an entrepreneur I have found the most success in integrating the two as much as possible. My kids come to work, my office is near my home and friends (lots of lunches with buddies). And my golden tip - Don’t have a Blackberry.  I don’t, and on the weekends and after hours, I disconnect.

Cheryl: The majority of my readers are Cultural Creatives following their passions, with a strong desire to contribute to a better world. What advice would you give to start-ups considering the current economic climate?

Mike: I feel this is the BEST time to start a business. Competition is weakening or not even starting.  The funny thing is consumers become more aware of the world around them (there is less work after all) and start refocusing on family, community and the earth.  If you don’t start now, you are making a mistake.  This is the proverbially “buy low” scenario. It is ‘go’ time.  But just like any other economic client proceed with persistent, prudent focus.  And serve the living hell out of your customers.

Cheryl: Patricia Martin in her book ‘The RenGen: The Rise of the Cultural Consumer and What it Means to Your Business,’ talks about the parallels between our current society  and that of the fall of the Roman Empire and the birth of the Renaissance. She  is optimistic in her observations and argues that we are currently seeing the signs of the beginnings of a Renaissance where creativity and the influx of new ideas are coming on the scene in full force. What is your opinion?

Mike: I met Patricia last year at a lecture at MIT. After she was done, I ran up to her and said “Finally, someone is preaching the truth.” There can only be a start once there is an end.  I think great things are ahead of us.

Jump on the boat now, there’s tons of room. I did.

For more on Michael Michalowicz and his book, The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur visit: www.toiletpaperentrepreneur.com.

That would be us; you and me and several million others out there who, according to the new book, RenGen: The Rise of the Cultural Consumer and What It Means to Your Business, by Patricia Martin, are directing the future of the world economy in a distinctly positive direction.

Who are the RenGen (Renaissance Generation) exactly? Well, see if this sounds familiar in an exert from the New York Times interview with the author:

The sociological definition of a generation is a 30-year swath of individuals living contemporaneously. The conditions we are facing today are what it looks like right before a renaissance.

Two things are going on simultaneously, and they live in creative tension. One is that we are ending one civilization and we are creating a new one. Witness what is happening on Wall Street. The second is the outpouring of creativity facilitated by the Internet. There is a generation that will lead us into what will literally be a second renaissance.

As for their characteristics - they are eco-conscious; they take their cues from nature so they are willing to accept products that are flawed but authentic rather than slickly produced and inauthentic.  They want to make a difference. They want to live many lives. They don’t want to be told, “You can’t be an architect and a poet.” They are sensualists. Because they are both idealistic and cynical at the same time, they have learned to trust what they experience rather than what experts tell them. That is why design and aesthetics are so elevated right now.

I went through the above checklist and um, authentic? Yes, that’s me. Cares about the environment? That too. I actually prefer products that have distinct flaws. They feel more human to me. And yes, I trust my personal experience and how I feel over what any individual might have to say, no matter what qualifications they have. For example, I didn’t choose my financial adviser based on her experience (although it is vast), but rather on how I felt about her. She is a woman who is naturally connected to the energy of money, a philanthropist and has high ethics.

This idea that cultural consumers are on the rise really resonates deep within my core. There is an internal knowing that this is true. “After all”, I thought,  “I am the director of my life as are those I interview and meet (online and off) on a daily basis.” I see successful creative entrepreneurs (introducing unique products and services that care about the environment and humanity) all around me that are not affected by the current state of affairs.

If we just sit back now for minute, take a deep breath (or two) and not allow the fear of the economy to cloud our direction, we can continuously move forward in a tour de force unlike any seen before. And that (imho) is what it means to change the world. Stay focused.

There’s a new book coming out soon by Abraham-Hicks, called ‘Money and the Law of Attraction.” I’m a firm believer in choosing our thoughts to manifest our reality and just wanted to share this exert entitled, The Subject of Money Is Really Two Subjects. . .

“The subject of money is really two subjects: (1) money, plenty of money, and (2) absence of money, not nearly enough money. Often people assume that because they are speaking the words “I want more money,” they are speaking positively about money. When you are feeling fear or discomfort as you speak, you are not speaking of the subject of money, you are speaking of the subject of not enough money. And the difference is very important, because the first statement brings money and the second holds it away.”

The book is set to be released on my birthday August, 12th. Hmm, I like that. Click here for more info.